1-The Old School Guy-Everyone has seen him he walks aroudn in his cut off sweat shirt with enlarged neck hole to show off his main of back hair.....he is also wearing either spandex (gotta have support) or jeans (gotta be ready to get back to work once the workout is done), and footwear will be either calf high boots or old school high tops that go up to mid shin (cant be rolling an ankle) he might also throw on some knee braces/elbow braces.....and you can bet your bottom dollar if chalk is alllowed then it will be flying. Beyond his clearly superior workout attire Old School Guy has all the best exercise from the full body arm curl, to the 1 in. bench press, and for the legs he drops a good 3 inches on his squat and leg press dont get me started. Dont think he wont help you with your form because he has been around and he wants everyone to know about it he will chat your ear off..... god forbid you keep that heart rate up because its all about the max sets. He will part you with the words of advice such as "NO Pain NO Gain" or "Bend your back not your knees"
2-Steriod Guy aka Meat Head aka Metal Head- It has to be a requirement that each gym have at least 10 to 15 of these guys....and they are all best buds because whenever one leaves chest bumbs and fist pounds will fly. But down to the description if its even needed.....sleevless t or tank top with some sort of body building/supplement company logo......at least 1 of the following tattoos arm band, tribal, dragon, eagle, demon or skeleton and my favorite flames....moving on......they will never be seen in shorts no no its either sweats, warm ups, or jeans. Because truth be told they are shaped like an upside down weeble and they need the pants to hide the dispaportionetly small legs....He will also be wearing either a hat, or bandana god forbid you dont show your style at the gym. They will also be carrying around a suitcase/gym bag that will house there numerous supplements and other absolute must haves at the gym. If they are working out solo believe they will have the ipod in and with some mid 90's death metal at such a volume that the old deaf lady on the eliptical can hear. The only thing louder then Steriod Guy's music is his grunt and yells as he maxes out at weights that would make Arnold proud.
3-The Way To Comfortable With Her Body Lady-Not much to talk about here pretty simple really everyone gets it lady you might have been hot 20 or 30 yrs ago.....make that 50 or 60 lbs ago.....but its time to put away the sports bra and booty shorts and bring out a modest t shirt and shorts/work out pants.....I applaud your efforts to try and hold on to your youth and sex appeal but time catches up to us all and I think its comin around for lap number 2 on you so please do us all a favor and put away the gut and cottage cheese thighs.
4-The Social Butterflies-This group of gym goers can be either male or female though I find that usually they are male....and they dont have a distinct style or anything.....but simply they think that the gym is a place to go and chat it up......which is fine cus to be honest it is I have met alot of really cool people while working out.....but my god do you have to chat it up for 5 min between each set while people are waiting to use your machine......or do you have to take up an entire section of the gym with your little group that I need to weeve threw you like maze. Shut up do your work out and chat on your walk to the next exercise or back in your car....this is isnt gossip hr and I dont care who won on American Idol last night.
-Sub Type-Fashion Show Guy- Not all that different from the social butterfly in the fact that they are there to be seen not so much to work out......and for this reason they are dressed to a T.....wearing either full work out outfits from their favorite sports brand or brand new name brand shirts.......my favorite part about this type is that they gel their hair before coming to the gym....are you kidding do you not plan on working hard enough to sweat????? If they have not put gel in then they are most likely rocking either a Ed Hardy hat or White baseball camp on backwards of course. And bet your ass that Fashion show guy will not be wearing some no name shoe its either gonna be Diesel or some fresh white Nikes.....nothing but the best for him during his workout.
5-The Distraction- My favorite type of gym goer......she is the girl who wears as little and as tight as clothing as possible....because she has put in countless hrs to help mold her genetic/surgical gifts.....I have no problems with you little Miss Distraction.....but I have to admit you make it hard to stay focused while im trying to run on the treadmill......all I ask is if I happen to fall and need CPR will you please be the one to perform it and not OLD SCHOOL GUY.
Keep up the hard work because I for one am noticing and proud of all the hard work you and your doctor have put in.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
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